A dry leaf in the wind
Beloved empty pages of my diary,
I wonder how much should I reveal of my heart, knowing that you will be probably read by many, and everyone will see you from their own eyes instead to see it just the way it is. I am afraid I will be judged even when they love, and maybe not but it’s an old fear which keeps coming back.
Feeling the warm Sunrays on my face and the cold breeze on my hands as I write these words. Birds chirping in the distance, resting on my bus in the campsite alone, I reflect my life. Lately I feel like a loner wolf, a white one standing on a cliff, so that you can visualize one You can tame a lion or a tiger for a circus but not a wolf. I maybe a loner but not lonely, learning to love my own company. Today the volunteers had a party but I preferred to come back to my camping bus and spend time with myself. Some people when they meet me, tell me they like my light, or I inspire them and some want to have my life, I wonder if they saw my vulnerabilities and flaws would they still say the same. We become who we are of the choices we make in every step. You can love the fragrance of the rose but to become one you will have to learn to live among the thorns. And sometimes they pierce really bad 🙂
Like a dry leaf in the wind, I go from here to there, cherishing any little rest I get knowing that I will have to fly again. Craving for love and yet when it comes finding it difficult to embrace as no birds want to rest and build a nest on a tree which is without roots.
Many times mind intervenes and wants to hold on to security, making plans for a known future but then heart feebly but firmly makes his presence felt and reminds of the impermanence nature of all things. Many think I am secured and have money to be able to travel and live like this Infact it’s just opposite since I don’t have much I can be more fearless and trust I will be taken care of, and it has always been, I have become humbler in this process, learning to receive kindness and generosity of others and sharing it forward in my own small ways. I have never felt a lacking, Infact more abundance as I embraced this path of being a pilgrim. I always get what I need maybe not what I want. Trusting the flow, life has always surprised me and lovingly took care of me in her arms. Every moment has become an opportunity to practice love and thus it keeps reminding me – keep walking pilgrim, you maybe alone but not a loner.
View from my bus in camp in site in Calais , France.