Advait part 16 (My kamala)
I missed her today.
The myth says you always look for your better half. But what if you do get it and don’t realize it?
Once under the star lit sky, in Maya’s arms, just after we had made love, I slowly whispered in her ears as I caressed her breasts. “What do you think brings me to you, the love or the absence of it?” “Both”, she said with a smile and then gave me a long passionate kiss but before I could savor it she pulled out and looking directly into my eyes, she said: “you too like me can never love.“
Like her name she was always elusive and mysterious her thoughts were.
Doesn’t it bother, that I am married and could never be yours? I could feel her body tense, yet without showing any reaction, still caressing my hair she replied: “Forever we belong to none….and like all you too will pass.“
There was tenderness in her voice yet aloofness in her heart. Wonder for a moment, I did, did she ever really love me? Or was it just a longing with a mask?
My detachment with my life, my loved ones, my work and my wife led me to this void. And here I was trying to fill it with another void.
I missed her today because unlike Maya, she always said all there is…is love…and I believed her. Yet deep down I knew, Forever we belong to none….and like all this too shall pass.