First step like always is most difficult…Life tests your soul to make sure if you are ready for the journey.
Clearly it was not easy for me either. Walking for miles, sleeping on pavements, begging for food and doing almost everything, which a homeless beggar would do. Yet there was something significantly distinct about our group. There was bhakti, an enthusiastic devotion for lord Shiva, who is the supreme destroyer. Day and night we would sing, chant and dance as we went along. Smoking pot was considered as Prasad, so no wonder most of the time we were high and thought that rest of the world as maya. After many nights and many days, we reached ‘Haridwar’, an ancient Hindu city where Ganga emerges from himalayas. We decided to stay in this city for few days before we proceeded further. Getting food and shelter was never a problem for us, being a Sadhu is a privilege in India and most of the time we are offered food by people who are starving themselves. Was it love for dharma or fear of sin, which drew the masses to these temples? Temples, which meant a structure reserved for religious or spiritual activities, or house of gods had become more of a market place and the pundits its businessmen. There was a fee for everything, the deeper your pockets the better was your relationship with the gods. I had started to get anxious looking at this state where everybody followed each other like sheep without making an effort to really know the meaning of what they were doing. When I thought about it, it struck me suddenly that wasn’t I doing the same thing, what was I looking for? Why was I following? Answer which came from within was, “May be to find the reason to what to look for and what to follow?” But are these Sadhus also looking for what I am searching? No! they have dedicated their life to Shiva and they are just roaming. But what for? There has to be a reason? No one does nothing without a reason. Their cause itself is a reason, their devotion is their way of life. It makes no sense, I have to find a meaning to my life and this all seems like a circle. And I felt stuck in the same web of life.